I grabbed a quiz I just received in class instead of my schedule of attack for today. Damnit. I know it’s essentially do everything but I had an order and a method sort of that made me feel less overwhelmed. So much for that.
I CRAVE SHREDS OF NORMALCY AND FAMILIARARITY
Have I mentioned how incredibly nervous I get about doing stuff lately? I mean everything from big projects to stuff like eating dinner. Usually I have to micromanage a little bit just to make sure something big and unexciting gets done, even if it means setting the oven timer every two hours and getting up to make tea or something. Now I am in this weird phase where I can hardly fathom doing the boring day-to-day stuff, much less term papers and reading several Shakespeare plays a night. I think some of this stems from how busy I’ve been lately. I was telling someone (who?) over coffee a while back that I am currently living three lives:
1. Student, albeit a slack-tastic student. If you think about how (statistically) per credit hour you average about 1-2 hours outside of school studying, and how I’m currently taking 13 credit hours, you can see how even the slack-tastic student keeps busy.
2. Desk-job holding Sensible Grownup, which is a huge exaggeration of course, but having an 8 to 5 and sitting at a desk doing stuff with computers and copy machines and fax machines and (these days) testing software are all very desk-jobby kind of things, and even part time work can become a little crazy.
3. Artist living in more-or-less constant low-level anguish that nobody wants to see my art anymore and wrestling over whether or not to pursue it again post-college. Who spends many an evening drinking tea in front of the easel oscillating between heart-racing excitement in what I’m doing, and a gaping ache in my gut that it really has become a ‘hobby’ for me, no longer something that can fuel my everyday existence like I want it to. (This may change slightly, see last post).
All of this can’t really get sorted out. When I ask myself ‘what needs doing,’ my brain has a tendency to offer up options for any of the three lives, or what I want to do most, and not really prioritizing by any means. This is why last weekend I worked on finishing up project at work but then sat around and collaged for two hours rather than do my reading for class later that night. I like to be spontaneous, but at the same time I like to rely on routine to get a sense of general shape of everyday. I don’t have that right now, so I’ve been running around like a psychopath, as well as leaving notes to myself that say things like:
12-5: work
5-6: dinner
6-8: read, think of something engaging for paper due Thurs.
8:30-10: art
This hasn’t actually been working because on the days where I really need a play-by-play directive it’s not specific enough. What for dinner? And which readings? And which paintings? Or did I mean drawings? I need a plan of attack on all bases. So when I saw a bunch of moleskine planners on sale the other day I grabbed up a daily planner to see if I couldn’t knock some sense into myself. Historically I like to go with what feels right rather than adhere to pre-written rules so I’m going into this giving myself the option of not sticking to this too rigidly. It’s more like a reference guide more than anything. For the days when I really do need to remind myself to eat dinner.
BOOKS
Today is great because it is the day of the annual book sale at the Student Commons. Paperbacks are fifty cents, hardbacks are a dollar. I came away with such gems as “Granny’s Wonderful Chair,” (1932). I also got a High School Handbook of Composition, which reminded me of the grammar book I picked up in Newburg, as well as Laird & Lee’s Webster’s New Standard Dictionary (intermediate school edition, 1929,) that features a picture of Webster himself.
FOOD
I really dig this, because sherbet and I are pals and what could be better than home-making a freaky weird sherbet that you cannot buy in stores? Nothing. I love how it is presented in that post as well, all crisp and lovely with the little flowers. So not only is it freaky weird sherbet, it is FANCY sherbet. Fabulous. And it seems pretty easy to make from the looks of the post. Of course this recipe necessitates an ice-cream maker, which I am far too broke to purchase at this point. (I am currently saving up for a smallish charcoal BBQ grill from Target, in fact. That alone should speak volumes.) But all is not lost for I do know of a kick-can method that requires duct-tape, a couple of cans and about 40-60 minutes of kicking a can around in the dirt and grass outside. (Due to the possibility of leakage, particularly when playing kick-the-can with gusto, this is not really a good thing to do inside.) This seems like a glorious addition to a BBQ, since waiting for coals to get ready outside and sending the delicious fiery smells all through the neighborhood are all integral parts of BBQ’s. Let’s recap: freaky weird flavored fancy sherbet prepared in a dirty jostled can. Holy shit. I’ve got my summer dinner plans all set.
