But I still want to be friends.
Come and read about my art-life here.
Come read stuff both Anthony and I post here.
Up river yet downstream
Spike really likes singing.
He hasn’t shown a particular dislike to any music I’ve played, but he will curl up with his eyes and ears heavy with contentment when I play, say, “It’s a Big World”. The soundtrack to “Once” is having a similar effect.
He likes acoustic guitar and simple voices. He likes clear harmonies — thirds, not seconds. He particularly likes live singing. Mom’s old songs as I sing them when I do dishes sometimes in the late evening. I sing Mom’s songs and I sing what I know of Grandpa’s songs and then I switch to God’s songs — hymns I’ve known since before I could read from when I would sit under folding tables during choir practice — and now I sing “It’s a Big World” and whatever that first song is. It’s nice to have an actual being to ask.
Are you a beach? Are you the sand? Are you the wave that washes up upon the land?
He also has been enjoying the audiobooks at night. During the Drawing Hour I sit and listen to 90ish minutes of “The Hummingbird’s Daughter,” (which is read by the author and very good — it helps to have someone who knows how to pronounce the Spanish and say it as it should be said,) and he will lay on the bed or sit with me sometimes on the stool and listen.
Something must resonate in the voice, in a cross-species sort of way. There is something about hearing auralizations that is somehow correct. At first I thought that it may just be that his first house had far more ruckus than he gets here, but it isn’t just noise. He doesn’t really respond to movies — pictures or scripted words set to music. But bare-voiced singing and talking in long unbroken strips seem to captivate him in a very interesting way. So there must be something there. Something deep and True.
I forget sometimes that he is barely two years old. His health certificate says he was 18 months in July, but I actually think he was born in May, not January. We were hand-feeding his litter during a graduation party — May ’07 — and they were only a few weeks old. So that would actually mean he is closer to 16 months right now. It certainly matches his temperament — he swings wildly between being almost terminally sedate to running feverish laps around my tiny apartment. Last night he spent two hours putting an acorn cap under the rug and taking it out again. He is never, ever bored and I’m glad he’s not a sullen self-loathing sort of cat, despite the occasional scrape in the thigh when he doesn’t quite make his hairpin turn from couch to window sill.
LATELY
1. Work has been awesome then terrible then awesome then terrible. I am doing my very best to simply Not Care — no small task for the Ceaselessly Empathetic, but some art upswing has helped the big syrupy spoonful of Fuck-it go down.
2. I had a bit of a breakdown last Sunday about the art stuff. It’s too much, there’s too much to do, I never finish anything, and so on. I saw this breakdown coming and had enlisted Anthony a week before to be my sort of deadline holder. At the beginning of the week I have to announce some project, send him progress reports through the week, and then finish something by Sunday. But then Sunday came and I hadn’t finished anything and OH MY GOD WHAT’S THE POINT. This was coinciding with contact from a certain lovely someone at creativeshake.com. When a simple question of “do you have 15-20 pieces you feel are strong” was answered first with a timid, “I only feel strongly about two pieces,” I sort of lost it. How will this every get off the ground. I haven’t DONE anything in so long. Blah blah blah.
Anthony essentially had to talk me into my own art. Not a proud moment for me. But helpful, ultimately. It somehow got me back into the groove, now that I’m “allowed” to paint and call the easy-and-fun-to-do-fruits a portfolio piece. I’m still not sure that’s a good way to go as far as portfolio stuff goes, but once I sort of broke that seal it wasn’t long before I was drawing every night just like I’m supposed to be.
3. WordPress has a new feature in the “add media” portion of the entry-input thing. The icon looks a lot like a single breast. I had to mouse-over to figure out what it was. “Add Poll”. Well, okay. Except you have to sign up with their “sister website”. No thanks.
But I’d already thought of a question, so I thought I’d ask you anyway. The following was an actual extra credit question on my Shakespeare final Junior year.
Q: What is the greatest Shakespeare play ever written?
a. The Merchant of Venice
b. Brideshead Revisited
c. Richard III
d. A Midsummer Night’s Dream
Answer: b.Brideshead Revisited. That was a semi-secret nobody-showed-up-in-class-today-let’s-make-a-crazy-extra-credit-question-for-the-final type of thing.
Sewing machine
So I’m getting a new sewing machine.
I have an old Singer 327. The manual was printed in 1968, though “June 22, 1970″ is written on the inside cover so I assume it was purchased then. That still means it’s seen about (to date) 38 years of heavy use, which is pretty darn good for a machine. It was somebody’s, then it was my Mom’s, and then it slowly became mine as I would sneak into her room while she was out making projects. It moved with me to my first apartment and has turned me from an ocasional dabbler into a full-fledged sewer, though my talents are still pretty limited.
I’ve been toying with replacing it for years, but it seems like a shame to get rid of a perfectly good machine. The fabric doesn’t crawl on its own anymore and the clank and clatter of the moving parts (no matter how greased up they are) makes me worry about sewing projects at night while my neighbors try to sleep. Occasionally the bobbin thread will become inexplicably tangled, it didn’t always feed right, but it’s a machine and it did everything I needed it to, which for me right now means: it can sew a secure straight line. With (somewhat) consistant, even stitches. I don’t do clothes, I don’t do many heavy-duty bags, I do napkins and hot-bowl rags and sew bits of fabric together to make quilts.
The plan wasn’t really “run it into the ground,” but more like “milk it for all it’s worth”. Nurse it along until it will not run any more. So last week when I hit the pedal and nothing happened, I turned knobs and cleaned it out and greased it up to see if it just was needing some love. When I floored the pedal and the needle barely moved, I knew that this required skill beyond my own to repair, if it was possible. I took it to Montavilla and explained what was wrong with it. Adam took one look at my elderly machine and gently told me that when the motor dies, there’s very little that can be done. There are replacement motors out there on used websites, but for the price he said it might almost make more sense to buy a new machine. He said “just use it until you can’t any more.” I said, “I think that’s where I’m at now.” And he began to show me around some new machines.
I know he is wont to do this anyway, since they sell machines at his shop, but really I’m okay with getting a new one. I cannot use the Singer as it is, and there are a lot of drawbacks to fixing it and letting it limp along. I want to learn more about sewing and do more complicated projects. At this point I feel like my machine might be more limiting than enabling, which defeats the whole purpose of using a machine in the first place. I’ve never had a new machine and it would be really nice to do something like sew a zipper without worrying that I am stressing the gears too much. I doubt a new one will last almost forty years, but you never know.
Adam and I played around with a few machines and I told him I’d be back Sunday to make my final decision. I’m trying to researach a bit into brands, but I think ultimately for me it’s about what it can do, not about who makes it. If it breaks I can take it there and have them fix it, so I’m not too worried about that.
A bit sad though, in a faraway, nostalgic type of way.
Detritus
LINKS
I probably I should have wanted it more.
I need to tell you about the Rainbow of Disappointment. Everything on that blog is good stuff, but that was my absolute favoritest.
This is mostly helpful only for me, but also maybe for any other newbie to Portland’s food scene.
I hate to gawk at images of destruction, but I’ve been to Galveston so many times that it’s hard not to. I defend myself by saying that as I get all my news from the radio this is the only way I would get images from the events at all, and I’m a rather visual person who likes to look at pictures. Then again. One could surely look up the New York Times article and see plenty, right? Hmm.
OH HELLO
I feel icky about that last thing. Did I scare you? I didn’t mean to. I have a lot more to say about Those Topics, but I don’t want to alienate people, not over the internet anyway. I like to save Big Discussion About Stuff That Matters for those afternoons when you and I are at a coffee shop for hours, we’ve both had too much coffee, and we start verbal fisty-cuffs. That’s the atmosphere. Here there’s no music, no musty old books to use as props or distraction to diffuse tension, no breeze coming through a window fluttering a handmade curtain. There’s only this cold void that makes me sound like I care too much about stuff. That ain’t no way to live!
So um. It’s been a while. I know I always say that. Or do I?
I fall in and out of love with this here blog, particularly now that I have Goose and Simply Kumquat going, though I haven’t really been pumping content out over at those places either. Lately there’s been the Great Work Struggles, the enjoying the hell out of Anthony moving here, and various other adventures. And at the moment there’s a wonderful aggravated head-cold, complete with fever. (Really? For me? Aw shucks you shouldn’t have). Or I guess that’s what it is. Hopefully it’s that and not typhus or sleeping sickness.
Anyway. The rambling thought-lettes hardly constitute an entry, but I feel like if I don’t now some of these things will never see the light of day. SO LET’S SLOG ON.
VARIOUS THINGS, ITEMS, QUANDARIES OR EVENTS IN MY LIFE SINCE LAST WE SPOKE
1. Strange karma lately. Nice and not nice things said to me by my boss. Bike was stolen. The sickness I mentioned.
2. Last week Anthony and I went to The Noble Rot, despite the pending illness, to celebrate his possible job at the University. He spotted the job through their philosophy listserv he joined a few months ago. it’s a teaching gig, discussion group leader, and would mean a paid tuition (!!) plus a stipend to spend on extra philosophy tools like books and play-doh. We still haven’t heard anything, but we were celebrating the luck of seeing that job and applying for it more than we were celebrating the acquisition of it. Baby steps and all that.
3. We got some sort of organic instant oatmeal from the store on accident. I had no idea such a thing existed. So far no real opinion there other than the “nut” in “Maple Nut” is hazelnut, which tickles me pink as hazelnuts are my favorite.
4. Um. So my job. I refer to it as my Big Dumb Job (BDJ) when I talk to my friends that have more normal-for-our-age jobs (freelancing, waiting tables), because I still feel strange about the whole thing. I am still confused why they like me so much, why I actually got it, and whether or not I can swallow my pride to endure it. I go back and forth on that last one not daily but by the fucking hour, because that job is so uneven. I will be a miracle worker, and then I am doing everything wrong, and then I am busybusybusy, and then I have nothing to do. Things were reaching critical mass as I realized that my Machiavellian boss was in fact Machiavellian (no WONDER I can’t figure him out!) and as I began to worry, as I do with any non-art job, that I am settling for this because I’m too lazy or unresourceful to do otherwise. This was particularly difficult for me the Monday after Anthony got here, since we had spent the weekend exploring waterfalls along the historic highway. I want THAT to be my life and not this, this LAW OFFICE.
Things are a little better now — I am getting the hang of the phones and my cold is clearing which helps. I also had an important realization in terms of Life Situation. In a way, it’s perfect that I am here Slogging On and Anthony is there doing School Work. We are both working on stuff that cannot really involve the other person right now. We are doing this so that in two-ish years Anthony can study for his PhD abroad, and so I can go with him, hopefully partially subsisting on a published work at that point. That is my goal: to have some sort of art thing published in two year’s time, and if not, than to have a nest egg saved up to make that whole move somewhat possible.
4a. Also helpful was the joining of the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators, which I sort of joined on a whim not thinking it would amount to much. In fact they’ve sent me tons of stuff: lists of agents and publishers, websites and phone numbers of helpful contacts, grant information which had honesty not occured to me, and contacts for the local chapter. They have a listserv which I’ve joined; not wholly informative but it’s good to be in some sort of loop. Going it alone is hard, but at least now I have some places to start. I feel like I can draw up a real plan with all this information, and it makes my heart sing.
4b. I also watched Garden State. Sam? The Natalie Portman character? She works at a law firm! And she’s not a horrible drone of a thing! That was comforting.
4c. Also watched the Darjeeling Limited. Again.
4d. And six episodes of Fishing with John. Have you seen this? You probably should.
Political soapbox
(If you don’t want it, skip this entry. I totally respect you either way.)
I don’t like to do this. But I also don’t like what could happen if I sit and do nothing. I have no readership to speak of, so it’s not like I think this will change anything in a big way for anyone, but who knows. I know there is ONE woman-for-Obama in the audience (ahem!) and so I guess primarily I am talking to you, Beans.
I am also doing this here because I received this as a mass-forward email yesterday from a former coworker at the Trib. It, like every other, urged me to forward it along to [x] people, so that I could be blessed with [y]. So I had a dilemma. I refuse to subject my contacts with spam, yet this is an Actual Thing.
Sort of. I’m not sure how much “power” a bunch of whiny bloggers have.
Here is what the email said. They mostly invite you to Write Something, and then they will post it on their blog. That’s all it is. Just a e-paper-trail record of dissent. It’s not really a call to action so much as a call to dissatisfaction.
From the looks of it, the posting has been slow going. The ping-back email informed me that the feedback has “been immense! We’ve heard from women of all ages from all over the US and internationally….It’s incredibly inspiring to read so many intelligent, wise, and impassioned opinions. We are working hard to post everyone’s message, but please be patient. There are tens of thousands coming in every day!”
I get the impression that it may be only one or two people doing this. I have great respect for them. In this day and age it’s easy to start something; register an email address, grab a domain name from a blogging platform, write a letter. It is not, however, easy to maintain the upkeep on that something. To post the thousands of responses, to go a step further and make this a tangible NO MCCAIN PLEASE, rather than just a bunch of people sitting at home spouting their opinion on a public forum.
I also think: why the hell not. If you’re at home, if you’re female, whether you thought “hmm that’s a bit whack, yo” when her name was announced or if it gave you the howling fantods, say something. It might be neat to see how many people actually speak out.
Here’s what I said:
I do not think Sarah Palin has any qualifications for the position, and believe she has been selected merely to scoop up the more avid Hilary supporters who have not yet got behind Barack Obama.
Shape of genitalia and type of chromosomes are not appropriate criteria for selection of a running mate, and it is vulgar that John McCain has done so.
Many people, as you can tell by the website, have quite a lot more to say than that. I had no frame of reference so I went with pithy rather than verbose. So go say what I left out.
